A Midlife Truth Bomb
The moment I knew I was done…
I worked in higher education for 17 years, most of my adult career, running operations in the Registrar’s Office. A job that kept the wheels of a university with 35,000+ students turning. I managed 25 staff members and held a role that was, quite literally, the backbone of the institution.
But I didn’t walk away because I had another job lined up. I left because my soul couldn’t stay. My intuition was screaming at me to leap, without a backup plan, and trust that the net would appear. It was terrifying. For the last year I stayed, fear made me want to throw up. But I promised myself I would trust… and I did.
The Unraveling: How COVID Shook the Foundation
Everything started to shift during COVID. Many of you probably felt cracks form during that strange, history-making time. My kitchen turned into a full-time office/classroom. My kids, in 2nd and 5th grade at the time (both in Spanish immersion), sat through virtual school while I was glued to Zoom meetings for 10 hours a day.
My son and I cried on more days than I can count…him, out of frustration with school, and me, out of guilt and helplessness. I had to hire a teenager just to help get us through each day.
Fast forward to 2022……the kids were back in school. Then everything crashed. My son, now in 7th grade, had googled “how to kill myself” on his school laptop. The school counselor called me at 8 a.m. that next morning after being alerted by the tech team.
After panic, tears, and medical assessments, I realized something deep: I was emotionally absent. I was modeling work ethic, yes. But they didn’t need that. They needed me. My love, support, and presence. All of which I was giving to my team instead.
COVID cracked open a bigger truth: the life I had built no longer aligned with the life I wanted. Climbing a career ladder for a few hundred more dollars? Chasing a version of success that required me to numb out and disconnect from my family? No thank you.
Fear’s Grip: Why I Stayed Too Long
By 2022, I knew something had to shift. But I stayed until 2025.
My husband said he’d support whatever decision I made but I didn’t believe him. Truth is, I didn’t believe myself. I told myself stories:
- “We rely on my health insurance.”
- “How can we afford this when we’re trying to buy our forever home?”
- “What will my mom think of me being a stay-at-home mom to older kids?”
- “What will it look like on my resume?”
- “Only 15 years until retirement… I can stick it out, right?”
The fear-based voice in my head was loud. And so, I stayed.
When Intuition Whispers (Then Screams)
Even when I knew it was time to go, I wasn’t ready. Fear and intuition are tricky to untangle.
Around this time, I started obsessing over how I could make money doing something different. I had once been a personal trainer and loved health and fitness. So, I enrolled in an expensive online business course to learn how to build a coaching brand with no idea what I was doing.
It made no logical sense, but something in me said, “Do it.”
That course was the start of my personal growth journey. I dove deep into mindset shifts, spirituality, and healing. My relationships shifted. My beliefs shifted. I was becoming someone new.
In 2023, I finally told someone outside of my husband: my boss. (Who I truly love and admire. Another reason this decision was brutal.)
When I told her, I knew there was no going back. She supported me, wholeheartedly. That conversation laid the first stepping stone.
The Leap: Trusting Without a Plan
One pivotal moment: my husband said, “You’re using me as an excuse. You’re standing in your own way.” Ouch. But… he was right.
I had a solid spiritual foundation by then and leaned into trust. I trusted I was stepping into my highest timeline. I even heard my spirit guides cheering me on (they’re loud when they want to be).
Even though I kept pushing my resignation date (after this project, then that one), I finally chose my favorite number and date, 4/4/2025, and submitted my resignation.
No job lined up. No plan B. Just intuition and trust.
What I’m Learning in the Freefall
It’s been seven weeks since I walked away and it’s been messy and magical.
The first two weeks felt like vacation: spring break with my kids, camping, visiting my best friend, and diving into our forever home remodel.
For the first time ever, I’ll spend summer with my kids. Not rushing, not working, not squeezing in life around meetings. No school camps, no endless screens. Just presence.
After spring break, the real adjustment began. I’m redefining what success means. It no longer looks like leading a team of 25. Success now looks like breathing. Gratitude. Patience. Freedom. Connection.
I still wrestle with guilt. Thoughts like “I’m not doing enough” or “We’re spending money on this house, and I’m not bringing in income” sneak in. But I’ve learned to reframe:
- I am worthy.
- My kids are worthy.
- I trust this path.
One day I was spiraling about money, and on my walk I found two $20 bills lying in tall weeds along the road. Nobody was around. It felt like the Universe saying, “You’re taken care of. Stop worrying.”
I’m watching magic unfold in the ordinary. Joy in doing laundry. Magic in being present. Peace in simply breathing.
An Invitation to Pause
Have you ever ignored your inner voice because it didn’t make sense on paper?
If you’re sitting at a crossroads (maybe in a midlife awakening), maybe wrestling with fear, I hope my story helps lift some fog. A backup plan isn’t required (although can make a decision easier). There is no wrong answer.
You don’t need to have it all figured out to take the first step.
If you’ve made a leap of your own or feel like your soul is whispering something wild and inconvenient, I’d love to hear about it. Leave a comment, send me a message, or just know I’m cheering you on with your spirit squad.
We’re all in this mess and magic together.
Midlife Mess & Magic 
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